Log on to ... Bereavement websites
Tuesday, December 2, 2008
The death of someone close to a young person can leave them seeking answers and even requiring professional support. Tim Burke tracks down some websites offering help and advice specifically for youth workers and young people.
Bereavement is a complex area because people deal with grief in different ways. For young people, who may not have the resilience to deal with such complex feelings, it can be especially hard to handle. Similarly, the loss of a young life is a huge challenge, because, unlike in ages past, it is now an unusual event and is just not supposed to happen.
Cruse is a national charity helping bereaved people to understand their grief and cope with their loss. Its website http://www.cruse.org.uk offers some simple, straightforward explanations of the emotions people are likely to go through and what can help. The section on helping young people includes a PDF version of its colour leaflet After Someone Dies, which has useful information about responding to questions and comments such as "How can I cope?" and "I feel so alone".
Cruse also runs a Youth Involvement Project, which has produced its own website www.rd4u.org.uk that aims to "let you find your own road to dealing with your loss". Put together by and for young people, it has sections that enable people to write about their own feelings and find support from what others have done. There's some useful little online resources here, such as a box in which you can write whatever's bugging you and then "flush it, bin it or save it", with a simple animation illustrating each action. It encourages bereaved young people to contribute to a timeline where they can leave messages about how they are feeling days, weeks, months and years after losing someone. It has stories categorised depending on who has been lost - mum or dad, grandparent, brother or sister, best friend, and girlfriend or boyfriend. Having recognised how few young men were using the message boards, the charity has created a lads' only zone too.
The site www.childbereavement.org.uk from the Child Bereavement Charity follows a similar path of offering advice for those who are encountering new and unexpected feelings. Its section for young people takes readers through the emotions of finding out someone has died or is dying, funerals, learning about loss, returning to school or college, and dealing with times such as Christmas. A "what's ok" section tackles issues such as crying, anger, embarrassment and getting on with life and the "what's not" section covers things like experimenting with sex just to get close to someone or using drugs to numb the pain. There are forums that require registration to view. Further sections for schools and professionals offer advice on areas such as breaking sad news, supporting terminally ill children and setting up organisational policies for responding to tragic events.
Winston's Wish is a charity that helps children and young people rebuild their lives after the death of a parent or sibling. Its website http://www.childbereavement.org.uk includes the text of its leaflet As Big as It Gets, which helps dying parents prepare their children for the possibility of loss. Particularly useful for youth workers is the downloadable Guide for Professionals, which includes both information on the nature of grief and practical ideas for alternative ways of saying goodbye. A 10-point charter for bereaved young people offers a helpful way of reinforcing how services should be responding.
The young people's area of the site offers lively interactive resources such as a graffiti wall where young people can privately spray-can on and wipe off messages and artwork, a pin-board where they can post public messages, a "skyscape of memories", where they can create stars and planets that represent their loved ones, and share their names and stories. There are also films of real-life young people's experiences and a podcast linked to Father's Day, a difficult time for those who have lost their dads.
If you are not a specialist worker and want to find an agency that could support a young person experiencing bereavement, http://www.childbereavement.org.uk might be an appropriate place to start. The Youth Access directory has details of more than 300 agencies that provide different levels of information, advice and counselling to young people. The directory can be searched geographically and by function, with listings providing full contact details along with what kind of help is on offer.
WEB FILE
Offers straightforward explanations of the emotions people go through
Enables young people to write about their feelings
Includes a "what's ok" section that covers subjects such as crying and anger
Has downloadable, practical guides for youth professionals
http://www.winstonswish.org.uk
Features an online directory of local counselling services.
