Back Page: Social Claire - Extreme neighbourhood watch
Tuesday, April 20, 2004
Has Claire bitten off more than she can chew with her neighbours?
My neighbour is a nice woman. She lives with her five-year-old daughter and has just returned to teaching. She is friendly, but we're not the kind of neighbours who are in and out of each others homes. We do keep an eye out for each other's houses when we're away on holiday though, since we live in a street that on one side has abandoned and burnt-out vehicles and on the other has strangers who think it acceptable to use our back alleyway as a toilet.
Last weekend she took the little one to visit her grandparents and, as usual, I offered to pop in and out. There were some extra tenants this time though. She had decided to give in to her daughter's pleading for a pet and had bought two rabbits. They would need feeding, cleaning out and generally entertaining.
I went in to inspect the new arrivals and was met with a scene from Donnie Darko - two suspicious and slightly intimidating noses twitching up at me. I thought rabbits were supposed to be pink and fluffy creatures (or am I thinking of the drumming rabbit in the battery ad?). These beasts were colossal and looked like they could bite your eye out at 20 paces.
Gulp. Had I bitten off more than I could chew? I found myself rather nervously twittering cootchy-coo and kind of waving at them, only to be met with stares of disdain. And not just from my neighbour and her daughter.
Melissa, aged five, solemnly showed me where everything was and then produced a daily menu that she had written. This was no simple pet minding, oh no. This was a full-scale military operation. Two scoops of this, one of that, chopped banana and cauliflower in the evening - it reminded me of when I was vegetarian and, judging by the copious droppings in their luxury penthouse pen, had the same effect.
Change the hay, fresh water, and funniest of all, leave the radio on for them during the day - thank goodness it was Radio 3 and Mad World was unlikely to give them any ideas.
By the end of the weekend, I had almost got used to them and felt quite emotional on handing back the keys. Melissa had brought me back a present - a chocolate Easter bunny. Strangely enough, I can't eat it - and I'm thinking about becoming vegetarian again.
